7 May 2015

A Little Natter | My 2015 So Far....

Hey everyone! Today I just wanted to do a post where I just sit and type and just talk to you all about things going on in my life. This is going to be a mixture of positive and negative things but I think it's important that I talk to you about things I go through every day just in case any of you are under a preconceived idea that I have an amazing life which I don't. Nobody does, everyone goes through struggles on a daily basis. 

So far 2015 has been a pretty difficult year. I started the year off with a general idea of how it was going to shape out. I was going to spend the first 3 and a half months of it at home and then go back to Turkey to work as a kids rep for six months meaning that I'd return to the UK at the beginning of November. However the longer January went on the less sure I was about going back to Turkey as I wasn't really earning money and I really wanted to have a stable job so I'm able to help my parents out and help support my younger brother who at 22 is an adult but also has learning difficulties. I just thought that I turn 24 in August and really need to think about how to provide for myself. Because of these thoughts I decided not to return to Turkey this year for a number of reasons but the main one being I needed to apply for a more permanent role. During this time I have been working 2 days a week at my local tutor centre. I used to study there myself from the age of 5 and the people that run it are basically my second family so I'm pretty much always guaranteed a job there however the pay is very little which means I still struggle. 

When it came to applying for jobs I was applying for everything based on the experience and qualifications I had and I did get rejected a number of times. I was absolutely devastated and did spend a lot of evenings crying and wondering where on earth my life was going but around a month ago I applied for a job with British Airways working on check in and doing other roles within the airport and was successful. I will be starting my new role in June and I have a uniform fitting later on this month which I am very excited about. I'll still be working at the tutor  centre twice a week but I look forward to not having to really worry about money anymore! 

This year has also been tough because my Dad has been really unwell. He was fine but then in the middle of February had to do the doctors and got told he would need to have an operation. Bascially he had nearly 2 litres of urine in his bladder which was pressing on his kidneys and making him feel really week. He went to the hospital and managed to get that drained out but then found out he would need an operation. The hospital made him wear something which meant that he couldn't really go to work but he is fine. 2 and a half months later, my Dad just today had the operation confirmation date so by the end of this month he will be in full recovery. This has taken quite a toll on me and my brother's daily lives as because he can't go out, we've been made to do stuff  like shopping and other things too. It doesn't sound that bad when I type it but it has been really difficult and caused friction between my family. 

I constantly feel suffocated as I'm never by myself and my life is always planned out for me. Whether it's doing the shopping or taking my brother out somewhere, or helping with the cooking my days are always planned and I can't actually remember the last time I went on a shopping spree or did things for me by myself or saw my friends or did anything just for me. It's always with my family or other people.  I'm only alone late at night when it's time to go to sleep and even then my parents are in my room purely because my room has a bathroom and it's the only working one in the house. I love my parents to bits but I really do need my own space and I find getting that plus their support and talking to them about things going on in my own life isn't on their priority as they don't care. 

If you follow me on twitter then you will know I don't get a lot of support for my parents in things I want to do in my life. They look quite negatively on me working in the tourism industry and travelling and would rather me do a job where I was earning a lot. My mum even wants me to go back into education and get more qualifications which eventually I will do but not just now. It causes a lot of tension in my house and does end up with me getting upset and angry and causes arguments between them. I know they do it because they are my parents and want what's best for me but it's hard when you really want something and they just tear you down. It makes me really upset. However, it's my life and I just need to do what makes me happy even if that does mean loosing my parents support. 

I didn't write this post for sympathy or for attention and I know some of you out there might have a lot worse things going on. However it's just something that's been on my mind a lot and I think writing it all down just helps me think a little bit and let's me get it off my chest. I also think letting you guys know is important as if I stop blogging for a little while or you see me post an annoyed tweet or get angry at something you sort of have an idea why. 

Currently I am going through more emotions than I ever thought I had. Blogging really is the only thing that is helping me get through life on a daily basis as well as speaking to my friends. I am really looking forward to starting my job in just over a months time where I will finally be kick starting my career in the tourism industry and doing things that will not only support me but also be able to support my family as well. Fingers crossed the rest of 2015 gets better as it hasn't been the year I had hoped for so far! If you comment on my posts or send me nice messages and tweets every day I can't thank you enough as you all really put a smile on my face and I am so grateful that you're there. 

Can you relate to anything here?
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8 comments

  1. Awh Fleur I'm so sorry that your year didn't start off the way you expected but congratulations on your new job! You must be so excited! I really hope your Dad is doing okay, it must be very tough but I really hope he recovers well after the operation. You're such a lovely, strong person and It must feel tough right now but things can only get better from here, you have a new job to look forward too and a family who will be so grateful for everything you've done to help while your dad has been ill. Just remember to always follow your dreams, your parents might not agree with the path you've chosen now but once they see how happy you are when you start working in the tourism industry I'm sure they'll realise how much it means to you!! I really hope your year keeps improving lovely! x
    Aisling | Aislings beauty bytes

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    1. Aww thank you so so much Aisling!! This is such a lovely comment! I hope he does too, not long now! Hopefully everything will go back to normal soon! Thank you so much! :) xx

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  2. I'm really sorry you're not having the best time at the moment,congratulations on your new job though!! That's incredible and I'm sure it will open lots of new doors for you. Do what you love,there will always be people who don't understand or agree but ultimately it's you living your life,not anybody else,so pursue your dreams and callings and passions and be unapologetic in your drive to succeed in those things. Most importantly,do what makes you happy and find a healthy way to be happy,whatever that may be for you. In life there are always ups and downs but there is also always going to be a higher up,so whenever you're feeling low,know that you're going to get through it,and there are 100% going to be days that are 100% better. I'll be prayin for ya and let me know how things go for you! xxxxx

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    1. Ahh thank you so much Lois! I really appreciate it! I totally agree, I need to stop trying to please others and please myself first as that is the most important thing. Thank you so much for such a lovely comment! :) xx

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    2. Don't worry about it gurl!! (by the way can I just say I loveee your name!) and for sure do what makes you happy and I'm sure you'll succeed! Don't worry about it lovely! xoxo

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    3. Aww thank you so much!! :) I really hope so :) xx

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  3. I'm so sorry that 2015 hasn't been your year so far, Fleur. I can totally relate to so many of the things you've said- from you feeling suffocated, to wondering where your life is currently going. At the end of the day, what matters is that you enjoy what you're doing. No amount of money can buy happiness and as long as you follow your dreams with a smile on your face, you will be happy (I know it sounds cheesy but I've found that it's so true) I hope things start going yours and your families way- this might even be the turning point now with your new job!
    I'd just like to add that your blog really is a lovely little place and I think its fab that blogging is helping you through this point in time. Don't worry about things, everything will fall into place soon, keep on smiling :D xx

    http://blossomingdaydreams.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. I completely agree Georgia and I'm so sorry that you actually do relate to some of the things here. I hope that things improve for you too! I really hope it is the turning point. Thank you so much for the lovely comment about my blog too! I'm glad you like it! :) xx

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