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5 January 2016

Shyness, My Struggles & How I Will Improve This In 2016


Before I write this post I just want to say that this is a post I published towards the end of 2014. However I got so scared and worried about being up that I decided to remove it. However at the start of a New Year I thought that I would republish it as not only can some of you might be able to relate to this but also because I think it's a step to becoming more confident about who I am as a person. I know it might be quite a negative thought to start the year off on but it's something I want to write as it will let you know a bit more about me. I also think it will be an amazing post for me to look back on towards the end of the year and hopefully see how far I have come.




This is a post I have wanted to do for a long time now but instead planning out what I want to write and go over every little detail in my head before I sit down and type it up I thought that I would just sit down and write and hope it goes well. I'm sure a lot of you suffer with the same thing. Just before I start I would like to say that I am not looking for attention or anything this is just my own little space where I can write about what I want to write and maybe it can help you or you can help me and vice versa. I'm not an expert on this topic by any means but maybe this will help you and see things from my point of view. 


I found this photo online and I think it describes me and shyness perfectly. If you know me personally or have spoken to me a few times then you will know what an incredibly shy girl I am. It is something I have suffered with since I was a little girl but has seemed to get worse as I've got older and it is something I have managed to get over at times however most of the time it takes over my life. There are so many negatives to being shy. One of the most frustrating things about being shy is that most people I've met throughout my life are a lot more outgoing than me and they just don't understand how I feel and how much it really does take over my life. I have been told on numerous occasions to just get over it and stop being shy which at times has actually reduced me to tears because there have been occasions where I just can't. It's especially frustrating when you get told to act more confident because it's really not as easy as it looks. 


Another negative is having your shyness being confused with being unfriendly or snobbish. It takes me a seriously long time to pluck up the courage to talk to somebody and even when I do that I keep my distance and it does take a long time for me to open up to people. Sometimes this can take months. It can really does affect me when it comes to relationships as I get to nervous, shy and extremely tongue tied. I can't speak properly because I am scared and I know it may seem silly because I know that guys are just normal people but it really does affect me. I've never been in a proper relationship because my shyness just takes over and I get too scared. In 2015 I had a guy message me and ask me to go out for dinner. He asked me on more than one occasion and I kept making excuses. It wasn't because I didn't want to but because I was too scared and worried about what he'd think of me.

It really does make me think something is wrong with me because I am 24 years old now and never been in a relationship. Most of my friends are getting engaged or moving in with their boyfriends. I see people younger than me on social media go on holidays and move in with their boyfriends and here's me still stuck in the same place. If someone is interested in me I never believe it and if they speak to me I go all stupidly coy and shy and it always puts them off. It's true what they say I guess though, if someone does want to get to know you then they will put in more of an effort and accept you for who you are and this is something I keep telling myself but it's still incredibly hard. 

I mentioned above that my shyness was worse when I was younger. I used to always cancel events with my friends very often at the last minute purely because I was just so worried or scared of what people would think of me when I stepped out of the house. I ended up losing friends along the way which really upset me but I just didn't know what else to do. At times it felt like the computer was my best friend. Most of my confidence came across through Facebook or even back in school when MSN was still a thing. The summer before I started university I spoke to a lot of my future housemates on facebook and got to know them a little bit, then I got to university and I just couldn't speak as confidently. I became too shy and just didn't know what to do and a few of them commented on the fact I spoke so well online yet face to face I was really shy. Comments like that really didn't help and made me feel like something was wrong with me. 

Being shy is extremely frustrating because it can stop you from doing so many things in life. I have had opportunities to go and meet new people and do new things such as taking up an acting class but I just haven't taken the plunge yet. I posted two videos on youtube early in 2014 which might to some of you contradict the fact I'm shy but I was absolutely terrified. I tried to film videos and restart my channel in 2015 but I just couldn't do it. I was so scared and didn't understand why I managed to film and upload two which are live on youtube, but couldn't do the same again.

It didn't make sense to me. Fear is a big part of being shy and is one of the main things that I am trying to overcome but just haven't been able to achieve yet. It has at times made me an incredibly pessimistic person but only when it comes to myself. With other people I'll cheer them on but with myself it's always negative. It really annoys people around me but I can't change how I think at times. 

If you have been reading my blog or you follow me on twitter then you may think, wow you really don't seem shy at all. It's where I get everything out. I share a lot of my life on twitter and on my blog. Probably more than I should but it's where I can go to let off steam. I just get scared talking to people if they've upset me or I just don't want to bother them with my negativity and how I am feeling. I just don't know what to do sometimes so my first thought is twitter and my blog which is really pathetic but I don't know what else to do. 

If you've followed my blog for a while then you will know I worked as a kids rep in Turkey and you may be thinking 'If you are shy how can you do that?'. I was in the hotel's Lion King Show and Mamma Mia show and people were always like 'She's not shy' at all which was really frustrating. At the end of the day I did these things because it was a part of my job! People just never seem to believe that just because you are shy you can still do things if you put your mind to it. I now work for British Airways working in a customer facing role where I speak to different people every single day however I still get shy. I still get incredible shy speaking to my colleagues sometimes but it is something I'm working on. I don't freeze over or stop living but inside I can be extremely scared almost to the point of throwing up. When I was in Turkey I had an amazing team who helped me out with my confidence a lot. I'm very close friends with one of the girls who helped me and it's made me slightly better. I also had amazing trainers for my job with BA who helped bring out my shyness and it's improving a lot. 


I am hoping that in the future I can stop being so shy. I am going to try and take up and acting classes purely to improve my confidence and give me a new voice. I need to think positively and if an amazing opportunity comes my way I am going to try to say yes to it instead of always saying no. I need to combat this fear. 2016 will bring a lot of new adventures. I'm hoping to travel the world a lot more this year so I am hoping that will give me more opportunities and help me combat this. I just think I need to stop being a pessimist. I need to stop being so overwhelmingly shy that it makes me avoid certain situations. I don't want to continue living my life in fear onto to look back and always think 'what if?' There are certain things in my life that I haven't taken the opportunity to do and which I am regretting a lot right now so I'm going to try my absolute hardest to get back on my feet and move forward. I found this quote which has really helped me see things in a more positive way! Definitely something I'm going to take into consideration. 


In conclusion I am a 24 year old girl who has suffered from shyness from a seriously young age. It is definitely a part of who I am and something I can't just change with a click of my fingers, however it is something that I can work towards improving. I'll always be shy but I think it will be important for me to work towards being shy without also stopping living my life and being a negative. It's something I know will take a lot of time but something I hope I can improve on, especially in 2016. I will be starting up my youtube channel towards the end of January so make sure you keep your eyes open for that as I'm so super excited. I'm hoping to meet more of you bloggers and go to more events as well. I don't want this year to constantly be me going to work, coming back and just hiding out in my room. I turn 25 in August. I need to start living my life and making memories that I can look back on. 

Like I said in the beginning, I didn't write this post to make you feel sorry for me or to look for attention, its just something I thought I would write because it's something maybe a few of you reading this can relate too and can possible help you see that you are not alone in the world with how you are feeling. I'm not an expert on this topic but this is how I feel about it. If you feel differently do let me know in the comments below as I'd love to hear your stories too. 

Do you or have you ever suffered with shyness?  How do you deal with it? 
Hugs and Kisses

4 comments:

  1. This is something I can definitely relate to. As a teenager, I was fearless, outgoing and carefree. Then something happened which effected my confidence and I found myself being more and more introvert. Now I'm almost 30, I have come to embrace this and I've realised that there's nothing wrong with being quiet, or shy, or an introvert. It's a difficult one to explain but I think you've written it really well here. x

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    1. Aww well that's good that you have learned to embrace this. Hopefully there will come a day when I can learn to do the same. It is so incredibly difficult! Thank you so much for your lovely comment! :) xx

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  2. I love this post so much! I was extremely shy when I was younger, to the point to where I would cry if my mom made me talk to a stranger and cry if someone picked on me at school. While I'm not as shy now and am fine around strangers, there are certain people and certain circumstances that will make me become extremely quiet. I hope that I'll eventually be able to completely overcome my shyness, but that's been a goal of mine for as long as I can remember.

    It's nice to know I'm not alone!

    Best,
    Katie
    katiesgreatperhaps.blogspot.com

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    1. Aww this was lovely to read! This is exactly how I feel, hopefully I can become this confident too! Well done lovely :) xx

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